I always think I’m wearing a baby. Mostly this baby…
Isn’t she cute? The reality of the situation is that although I THINK I am wearing that baby, I’m REALLY wearing this baby…
And I know what you’re going to say, but I won’t hear the “T-word.” Nope. That is a BABY.
But to help YOU decide if you are wearing a baby or a toddler, I have devised this simple scientific test* that has never failed! Here is the way that it works. You read the questions, choose all the answers that apply or the answer that best fits your situation, then track your points. It’s like those magazine quizzes I used to do in middle school (or college, whatev). Here we go…
Your baby can articulate that they want to go up in a carry:
- With a physical sign (0 pts)
- By saying an identifying word for the carrier like “wrap.” (3 pts)
- By selecting their favorite color carrier and saying something like, “ups in the purple ergo.” (17 pts)
- BONUS: They know the technical name for a colorway like “Prism,” “Coal,” “Lighthouse,” or “Sockmonkey” (add 20 pts)
Your worn baby gets up on you for a back carry:
- By being santa-tossed mostly. (0 pts)
- By being super-man tossed because they are too big for santa-toss. (1 pt)
- By claiming to BE superman and insisting on a superman toss. (10 pts)
- By climbing on your back themselves. (32 pts)
- None of the above. (0 pts unless that is because bribes only work for front carries, then 27 pts)
Your worn baby likes to be worn:
- Anytime, really. (0 pts)
- When they are really sleepy (2 pts)
- When I try to wear my younger baby (7 pts)
- When they are tired of walking (7 pts)
- When I offer them enough gummy bears for an action shot to sell a carrier (23 pts)
Your worn baby thinks the mail carrier is:
- “Who the hell is the mail carrier, mom? Pass me some more milk!” (0 pts)
- The person who brings the mail (2pts)
- “The nice person who brings the new carriers!” (11 pts)
- “That person who never updates the tracking accordingly! I mean, how long can something be ‘out for delivery’ anyway? Where is my package??” (uhm… 97 pts)
Regarding Babywearing Meet Ups, your worn baby is:
- Obliviously sleeping away. (0 pts)
- Up for letting me try lots of new carriers (0 pts and my envy)
- Being worn for containment purposes (3 pts)
- Playing in the toddler area while I wear a weighted doll (14 pts)
- Is in charge of overseeing the toddler area (42 pts, please no one pick this one)
Your worn baby understands the following about stalking carriers:
- Nothing (0 pts)
- That sometimes they get a cookie at noon on Thursdays (10 pts)
- To not bother me if I am pressing the F5 key (17 pts)
- To immediately go to the computer when the page monitor goes off and try to cart ANYTHING (500 pts)
So here is how the points break down… do you have more than 10? Yeah, you’re probably wearing a toddler. Take a deep breath! Admitting that you are wearing a toddler is really half the battle, a battle I’m ok losing. Personally, I will just continue to enjoy that river in Egypt (Lalalalalalalalalala).
OK, my name is Cynthia… and I’m wearing a toddler. There. It’s not that hard. But perhaps after all of this emotional work you say to yourself as I did, “Self. We are wearing a toddler now… let’s go get us some toddler carriers!” Want to know what to do now that you have a toddler? We have a post for that.
Also, I may be wearing a toddler, but I am in some darn cute company…
*n=1 (if you get this joke will you please comment! It is one of my favs, but you have to be a little bit of nerd to think it’s as funny as I do.)
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Oh sample size group of one, makes for such an accurate data group 🙂
So much love! Thank you. I always just die laughing at this joke and no one else seems to get it.
I actually got 51 points (as the author). Anyone else willing to share their score?
N=at least 3 now, based on number of comments. And I constantly make disclaimers of “but of course, N=1, so just remember that”, to which my husband responds: “Honey, are you making things up again?”
Haha!! I got a good laugh, thanks for the post! My 4 year old wrappee gets 94 points and the 10 month old gets 6. now that you mention those 500 points though, I do remember the 10 year olds general affinity for computers 😉
I actually only scored a 15 but I think it’s because I’m less crazy about scoring new carriers now then I was when he was smaller. Also I think there should be a category under babywearing meetup for 10pts that says, “When you leave your worn baby at home with someone else because they can’t be contained and you can’t teach other people if they have to be chased after.” Lol. Because that’s totally me.
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